Explaining Divorce to Children

Most likely one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have in your life will be when you sit down with your children to tell them that their parents are getting a divorce. No one wants to hear the word divorce uttered, even when both spouses know that it is time to end the marriage. The simple fact of the matter is that the divorce will strike a blow to the emotions of your children. As you plan the conversation here are some important tips to take into account.

Have a Family Discussion

The most important thing you can do when telling your children that you are getting divorced is to do so as a family. This news should not be broken by just one parent while the other is nowhere to be found. This issue needs to be handled by a team. Sit down as a family and tell your children about the divorce. It doesn’t mean both parents have to speak during the family meeting. They both just need to be present to show a united front.

Be Prepared

You need to be prepared for this conversation. This is not something you randomly bring up at the breakfast table as everyone is getting ready to walk out the door for work or school. You need to plan what you are going to say to your children and how you and your spouse will answer the difficult questions that will follow from them.

Keep to the Basic Facts

There’s no reason to delve deep into the reasons why the marriage is ending. Instead, keep the basic facts that your children will understand. Tell them that mommy and daddy will no longer be living together. Also, make sure you express to them that they will still be loved like it’s always been. This is important to how they move forward emotionally. All discussions should be calm, free of anger, and in a soothing tone.

Never Offer Blame

No matter what the children say or ask you should never offer blame in this discussion. All language used should be free of blame. There’s no reason to point fingers or explain the true reasons behind the split. This is not an appropriate discussion for children. Be sure to make it known that the children are not the reason for the divorce and that sometimes people simply fall out of love and need to go their separate ways. Discussions of infidelity, drug abuse, physical abuse, gambling problems and other issues should never occur.

Encourage Emotions

You need to encourage the emotions of your children. Don’t make them hide how they are feeling during this difficult time in their life. Let them know that it’s perfectly fine for them to be sad, angry, disappointed and worried. These are all normal emotions. Encourage your children to discuss their emotions with you and what it is that is bothering them the most.

The topic of divorce is a difficult one, especially when there are young children involved. If you have come to the realization that your marriage has ended you need to consult with an experienced divorce attorney in New Jersey. Contact the office of Trish Davis, Esquire today at 856-829-9204.